just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
