i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
