First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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