I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
