I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
