I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize