i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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