I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
