Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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