I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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