too bad you live with your parents still
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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