why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I didn't notice because vodka
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
