The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
