nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
