Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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