update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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