Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
