why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize