I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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