Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
