His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
