my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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