I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
And then he peed in my hair
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