broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
