May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
