My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I touched a dick in church today
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
