as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
