She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There's always time for handjobs
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
