i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize