I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
