could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
