Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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