lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
