Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
