What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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