where does the pee come out of this thing
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
