"it" just moved
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
