Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
