so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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