I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
