Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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