i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
