Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize