hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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