Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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