You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
