dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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