So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This baby is an asshole
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
sex in a hospital.. check
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
