Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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