The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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