goodnight i made you a song goodbye
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
