Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize