Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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