As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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