It's Friday. Sex?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
