Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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