I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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