yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize