Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
