Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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