dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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