I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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