i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
