Your tits are I can't wait for
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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