You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
