I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
there is puke in my bra ... again
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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