Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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