i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
