after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
