Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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