No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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