i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
