I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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