cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Found your dick twin last night
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize