I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
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