Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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