the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
