my room smells like sperm. sweet.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
