she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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