So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
