I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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