Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
this will be a night to untag.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She needs sedatives and a leash
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
