these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
