My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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