It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
