Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize