Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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