I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
