Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
