soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
