Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
