I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
