I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
