your parents love me but you hate me
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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