take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
