Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
