I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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