I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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