My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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