yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
