I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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