i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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