I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
