im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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