I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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