Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
