shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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