I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
