I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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